Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Sometimes, I think the term "malignant narcissist" is a little confusing. It describes someone with classic narcissistic traits who also has a propensity to harm people, or even delights in hurting others. But this description barely touches upon the level of evil these folks are capable of.
Imagine someone who pretends to be your best friend, but secretly plots your destruction. She desperately wants to ruin your life, and, in order to do so, "befriends" you for a year or two to gain access to your world. Everyone else thinks she is a living saint, but you start to see a few cracks in her facade. However, by the time you first notice she has very strange internal wiring, it's impossible to cut her out of your life. That's because she's infiltrated all your other relationships and has gotten to know your extended family. Your relatives, and even your own children, may idolize her.
Although these more "socialized" psychopaths may be function well in society, they are cut from the same mold as the folks locked up in prison, because they've committed some horrible crime. Both types of psychopaths are devoid of conscience and neither have empathy for anyone else. All psychopaths have the ability to do dastardly deeds, without suffering any remorse.
Most psychopaths, according to a number of prominent researchers who've studied this condition, are not behind bars. They are charming, personable and blend in with the rest of us. It's hard to get our heads around the fact they can appear so normal. Granted, that pretty young mother who drives her children back and forth to soccer practice on Saturday mornings doesn't look like a psychopath. But her targets know the truth. At work, she has clawed her way to the top of the feeding chain, by sabotaging the aspirations of others. In the process, she has destroyed the career of several innocent people, whom are now unemployed. She did the same thing at her previous job.
Also, her husband and her children know the truth. She pretty much ignores her family, except for soccer practice. There, she stands on the sidelines, looking like mother of the year.
This is why I think the term psychopathic narcissist is much more descriptive than malignant narcissist.
Pixabay image top by OpenClips
Monday, October 27, 2014
If you're a target of a female bully, whether at work or elsewhere, it is undoubtedly a very trying time in your life. It probably seems as if it will never end and you'll never be happy again. But that's only an illusion. Everything has a season, and the narcissist will eventually choose a new target. (We sincerely hope she repents, and amends her life, but these instances are rare, and, if it does happen, it may not be for a long time.)
Meanwhile, you must deal with her. If the abuse plays out in a social setting, or at church, usually the best thing to do is to leave, even if it means pulling your children away from people they've come to know and love. The fact that you have children is often a justification for staying in a toxic environment longer than necessary. But it's much better to take your children away from a poisonous atmosphere, because of the potential damage it can do to them. Once a situation reaches a tipping point, where others believe a narcissist's lies, and give her their unconditional support, things are too far gone for them to turn around.
If you work for a narcissist, or the office bully has targeted you, you could be trapped until you find a new job. Things may seem hopeless, but, one day, you will be free from the struggle and emerge much stronger than before.
Keep in mind that narcissists are not happy people and they have very limited power, even though it doesn't seem that way when you're in the line of fire. So, this too shall pass.
Here are some things to keep in mind.
- Malignant narcissists are very impulsive and they will eventually mess up. All you have to do is wait.
- Morally disordered people lie a lot. Eventually, this will catch up with them. Remember the old saying, "You can fool some of the people some of the time."
- People with a serious character disorder, such as malignant narcissism, attract like-minded comrades to their camp. However, because these flying monkeys lack integrity, they can't be trusted. Power struggles will eventually emerge and infighting will break out. The group will then implode. Remember, there's no honor among thieves.
- I don't know if you believe in God, but I do, and I know He's watching everything. In His time, he will put a stop to the abuse. This you can count on.
Pixabay image top by tpsdave
Saturday, October 25, 2014
My heart goes out to anyone who's targeted by a female malignant narcissist at work. Most of us work because we need to, so cutting a predator out of your life isn't so simple when you depend upon a paycheck. The standard advice of distancing yourself doesn't apply here, unfortunately, although, once you detect a toxic atmosphere, it's a good time to update your resume and start looking around. Usually, the bully's goal is to drive you out of the organization.
Most workplace targets end up leaving their jobs, whether by force, in the case of a firing, or by voluntary resignation. This happens 75 percent of the time, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, which is a great source of help, information and support. This organization has also pushed for nationwide legislation that would make these head games patently illegal.
However, until embattled workers have more legal protection, there's very little anyone can do once a hate campaign gains some traction. Adult bullies do not strike unless they know they'll win. To ensure themselves of this "victory," they will surreptitiously chip away at your social network, until you have no loyal friends left. This happens gradually, and without your knowledge. But the time you realize something is up, the situation is very far gone.
So, if you're a target of a workplace tyrant, you have my condolences. This too shall pass, and when one door closes, another will open.
If this person is not your supervisor, don't be surprised if management turns a blind eye as she takes her swings at you. Workplace bullying is accepted in America, and morally disordered people tend to receive a disproportion share of promotions. I'd go so far as to say the entire corporate culture in America is very sick, because workplace bullies are allowed to flourish.
Pixabay image top by jarmoluk
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Malignant narcissists love to gossip. In fact, one of the best ways you can spot a someone with this moral disorder is by their propensity to discuss other people's business and to paint them in an unflattering light, when they are not there to defend themselves. You can also count on them spreading similar dirt about you, when you're out of earshot.
(Occasionally, a covert narcissist will not be an obvious busybody, because she's traveling in circles where gossip is socially unacceptable, such as in a church, so she watches herself. But most people with malignant narcissism and borderline personality disorder cannot control their tongues.)
Malignant narcissists are insanely envious of everything and everyone, so the very fact that you're happy, and they're not, is enough to set them against you. People with character disorders such as this are not happy with themselves, or else they wouldn't behave this way. Although a malignant narcissist does not have an appropriate amount of empathy or remorse, I suspect that deep down they know their actions are terrible, or else they wouldn't go to such great lengths to convince everyone else they are so kind and benevolent.
These types of people are dangerous and malicious, because they can turn your life upside down as long as they are in it. The best advice, if you encounter a female narcissist, is to cut her loose. However, this becomes much more difficult when she's someone you work with. Nowadays, it seems as if every office has a resident bully.
Pixabay image top by Nemo
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Malignant narcissists are a puzzle because their thought processes are so much different than how the rest of us think. It's very difficult for us to understand just what they're up to. However, at the same time, morally disordered people are quite predictable. One thing we can count on them to do is to lie.
Lying comes easily and naturally to an individual with malignant narcissism. People with this character flaw will lie about their targets, and I believe they do this for two reasons. One is that they are very concerned with what other people think of them. They know they are mistreating their target, and if anyone else caught on to their vicious mind games, they'd think the narc was a horrible person. So they need to cover up their misdeeds. One way of doing this is to convince people that the target did something to deserve this treatment.
A narcissist may even believe this herself, because she has such twisted thinking. Also, she needs to justify her terrible behavior to herself. So she convinces herself that the target is a bad person, who deserves the full force of her wrath.
One curious thing about narcissistic abuse is that the perpetrator will publicly accuse her victim of the very thing she is doing. For instance, if she is lying about her target, she will tell people the target is lying about her, and that she is being persecuted and pursued. Most people will believe this story, because they have no reason to assume that the narcissist isn't telling the truth.
Malignant narcissists are the consummate con men and women. They operate so much like psychopaths that some researchers believe that's what they really are, except they strike in a more "socially acceptable" manner.
Pixabay image top by geralt
Monday, October 20, 2014
A malignant narcissist may hate you and she may be seething with rage. But, oftentimes, you don't know this until after the fact. That's because people with moral disorders wear masks, and it's not until the mask slips that you discover the hideous reality underneath.
When you first meet a narc, all you see is her smiling face. Even though the relationship seems to go well in the beginning, before long something will happen to set this dangerous predator off. (People with malignant personalities cannot maintain relationships, and will burn through a series of them.) However, you still may not realize you've done anything "wrong," and that this person who pretends to be your friend is upset with you and intensely envious. It's during this phase of the "friendship" that she begins a smear campaign, and the social aggression kicks in.
If you've made the mistake of introducing her to your other friends, she'll try to form a close relationship with your best friend, in order to isolate you. During this time, though, you only have a vague, unsettling feeling that things aren't right. You begin to feel a little uneasy but you don't know why. That's because a malignant narcissist is planning your exit, from a social circle, a church or a workplace. But she won't launch a full-on attack until she's sure the time is right.
When she decides to go full throttle, she has already inflicted a great deal of damage. She's likely told a lot of people a lot of lies, in order to undermine your support base. She'll wait until you've lost support before she strikes. Only then will you see her true colors. This is when she discards you, and she no longer hides her anger and scorn. Of course, no one else will witness her cruelty. Malignant narcissists are extremely concerned with what other people think, so this female terror keeps her mask attached to her face when anyone else is watching.
Pixabay photo top by Nuzree
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Because malignant narcissists are so good at discovering our strengths and weaknesses, they can sense when someone will stick with them, through thick and thin. This is why they love to target loyal people, because they know they've found someone who will go out of their way for them. This very useful person (narcs view people as objects) will fit their needs perfectly, until they tire of this person, or find someone else willing to do even more for them.
Then, the first loyal friend will be discarded, often in a very callous manner. It's impossible to please a narcissist for very long. Inevitably, you'll fall short of her impossible standards, and she'll become angry with you. However, you may not realize this right away, because she'll hide it for awhile. Meanwhile, you've fallen out of favor, but you're not aware that things have changed so dramatically. She isn't ready to show her true colors because you still serve a purpose.
However, in her mind, when your shelf life has expired, she's ready to discard you. This is usually done with great fanfare. In the process, she will attempt to ruin your other relationships and try to turn people against you. Unless you have very loyal friends, she usually succeeds. Narcissists are very charming, until you get to know them better, and people like to be in their company.
The best way to protect yourselves against malignant narcissists and other dangerous people is to learn the signs of disordered behavior. There are no guarantees you'll never be taken in again, but at least you can proceed more cautiously if you notice any warning signs.
Pixabay photo top by cherylholt