Thursday, November 20, 2014

Once You've Known One Malignant Narcissist, You've Known Them All

Malignant narcissists are full of surprises, but only for those who've never encountered one of these characters. Those of us who've become entangled with one of these deceivers have come to learn that their deviant behavior is pretty predictable.

For instance, there are common threads that run through just about every encounter with a morally disordered person. Here are a just few examples of how a narcopath operates.

  • Your Relationship Follows a Pattern: In the beginning, a narcopath plays the role of soul mate. Meanwhile, she is taking note of your strengths and weaknesses. The latter she will later use to discredit you. It seems as if you've found the perfect friend. Sooner or later, the "friendship" cools and she's a little less available. This stages precedes the discard phase, when she dumps you after smearing your reputation and doing her best to turn others against you.
  • Idealization: Narcissists typically start out flattering you. So, watch out for anyone who comes on too strong with compliments and praise. You could be dealing with an untrustworthy person.
  • Inappropriate Anger: A malignant narcissist smolders with anger just below her smiling surface. You may catch glimpses of this early on, followed by rage and verbally abusive outbursts later. You'll likely see this side if you challenge her on anything, especially once the relationship has progressed to the "discard phase."
  • Compulsive Lying: I've yet to meet a malignant narcissist who was honest. Sometimes, they will lie just for the heck of it.
  • Charisma: Even nerdy "covert narcissists" have a certain charm that draws others to them. These master manipulators know just which buttons to push.
  • Disregard for their Family: Every female narcissist that I've known, who has children, bows out of their life, either physically or emotionally. Although she might talk a good game, her actions don't match her words.
  • Words and Actions: There is a disconnect between a narcissist's words and her actions. Disregard what she's saying, and take a look at what she's doing.
  • Social Aggression: Every female narcissist I've met is either a Queen Bee or a Queen Bee wannabee. She wants to dominate every social circle she belongs to. In order to do so, she will elbow others out of the way, in a most undignified manner.
  • Bullying Others: Female narcissists bully others by social aggression. This involves trying to ruin a target's other relationships, in order to isolate and punish her.

So, in a sense, if you've met one malignant narcissist, you've met them all. And, once you've identified one of these fakers, there's no use hanging around. Cut her loose and watch the peace and tranquility return to your life.

Pixabay image top by OpenClips

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

For Some Sociopaths, Being Nerdy is Their Cover

We tend to think of malignant narcissists as popular, gregarious people who know how to work a crowd. Oftentimes, this is true. However, we should also be aware of another type of predator, one whom is just as dangerous, if not more so.

Sometimes, a covert narcissist will come across as a nerd. I have personally met a few of these, one of whom has caused a great deal of trouble in my life, because she was the last person I ever would have suspected of having such a dark side.

Posing as humble and unassuming, a covert narcissist may dress quite frumpy. In high school she was likely one of the least sought out girls, and probably had few friends. Now, though, in adulthood, she wants to dominate the social scene. So she ruthlessly targets other women who seem to have a lot of connections. If you meet one of these women in a social setting, such as when a group of young mothers get together, she will slowly begin organizing all the events, pushing out anyone whom she views as a threat. Adult female bullies use what's known as social aggression to isolate their targets. This is a very cruel type of bullying.

If you go to church, chances are very good that you'll run into a female covert narcissist. These ladies are drawn to religious organizations, because this is where they can find acceptance, and also where they can easily manipulate others, since no one expects to find such a treacherous soul at church, especially one who initially seems so nice.

Covert narcissists are also found in the workplace. If you make the mistake of trusting one of them, they will carefully file this information away. Then, they will use it to ruin your reputation.

In my own humble opinion, coverts are the worst kinds of emotional predators, precisely because they appear so unassuming, so they easily gain our trust.

Just be aware that someone who looks and acts like a wallflower may have a much darker side. She may be highly competitive, despite the meek facade. These covert narcissists are very difficult to smoke out, even for trained professionals. So be careful. Don't spill your guts to anyone you don't know well. And, as usual, if someone is a new acquaintance, don't automatically assume she's trustworthy just because she seems to be. These covert narcissists are the proverbial wolves in sheep's clothing.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Monday, November 17, 2014

Narcopaths Bite the Hand that Feeds Them

Every malignant narcissist that I've known shares a common trait. They will use you and take from you as much as they can before they turn on you. When they decide to attack, they are truly like mad dogs who, to borrow an old cliche, will bite the hand that feeds them. If you've read this far, I don't think I need to tell you how evil it is to repay kindness with betrayal and deceit.

What makes it worse is that most of the time, a narcopath's decision to inflict emotional harm is highy premeditated. They meticulously plot and plan in order to get you to stumble into the various snares they have laid. This takes time, and a morally disordered person will wait as long as necessary, for the most opportune moment, to spring her trap, or, more likely, a series of elaborate traps.

You are first set up during the grooming phase, where a narcissist pretends to be your "friend" while she's getting to know you. During this time, she may even enjoy your company, or at least the benefits you can provide. However, at some point, you'll do something that doesn't sit well with her, because narcissists set impossible standards to which no one can ever hope to measure up, especially over the long term.

Once this happens, the relationship shifts and the narc begins to focus on your destruction. At the same time, she's still pumping you for favors and possibly even some cash. However, you don't yet know what's just around the corner. You might detect a little more moodiness, but you still consider her a friend.

Then you enter the discard phase. Armed with your secrets, this "soul mate" turned foe has successfully ruined your other relationships, as female bullies strike out at their targets by means of social aggression. This is a very cruel form of bullying that leaves the target isolated. If this plays out in the workplace, as it often does, the target usually loses her job. This happens either because she resigns, under pressure, or is fired.

So if you've ever bent over backwards to help a malignant narcissist, who then turned on you, don't kick yourself. We've all been there.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Friday, November 14, 2014

What Happens When You "Slight" a Narcopath

People with malignant narcissism are very mercurial. They can become enraged over nothing. Part of the reason for this is that they have very fragile egos, and, if they feel as if they are slighted, they turn into monsters.

You may not have done anything to set them off. This happens because they process information differently than the rest of us. Even a perceived slight is enough to set them on a rampage. So don't tie yourself in knots, worrying that you should have done something to avoid this reaction. Once you get involved with a narcopath, it's always going to end badly, no matter what you do. That's because people who suffer from this terrible personality disorder have extreme trouble maintaining healthy relationships.

Morally disordered individuals are initially drawn to people with high levels of empathy (something they lack). They know these "empaths" will serve a purpose. They may want your help in some way. Perhaps you are in a position to advance their career. Or, maybe you know a lot of people, whom they find interesting. In that case, they will use you for the introductions. Then, then will seize whatever it is they wanted.

There is nothing you can do to stop narcissistic rage, which is almost always irrational. During the discard phase, when the mask comes you, is when you'll see a narc's ugly side full force. She has no need to maintain a facade in your presence, since she no longer has any use for you.

By the time this happens, she has already moved onto the next victim. During her interactions with the new target, her mask is tightly secure, and she showers this new "friend" with all the attention she once reserved for you. The pattern then repeats itself.

Consider yourself fortunate this person will soon be out of your life. Distance yourself from this malignant individual as much as possible. Enjoy the peace that will once again flow through your life.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Workplace has Become Increasingly Hostile

By all accounts, it seems as if the workplace is becoming meaner. Anecdotal reports indicate this is so, because, if you start talking to people working outside of the house, it's pretty clear that many of them are going into battle every day, as they deal with bully bosses and coworkers. There's also scientific evidence that this is the case. The Workplace Bullying Institute, an organization that advocates for embattled workers, has data that shows that one-third of all Americans have been bullied at some point in their career.

There is voluminous evidence that teachers and school administrators are among the worst offenders. According to the American Psychological Association, four out of five teachers say they've been bullied at school. The perpetrators are coworkers, but sometimes the parents and students are guilty.

It's my own personal belief that this disorder in the workplace is a reflection of great disorder within modern society, which has largely broken down. There has been a distinct moral shift in all areas, and this includes how we treat one another. Lying, deceit, betrayal, gossip and backbiting are now found where ever people congregate, even in church.

But most adults nowadays meet up at work. And this is where narcissistic ego-driven individuals tend to inflict the most damage. Once a hate campaign gathers steam, and you're the target, unfortunately, you have very little recourse. So it's probably in your best interest to start looking for other employment. Bullying at work usually ends badly for target. About 75 percent of the time, it means the end of his or her job.

Anyway, this is a blog about mean women who often suffer from malignant narcissism. At least 40 percent of the time, the bully at work is another female. Usually, she picks on another woman.

Pixabay image top by johnhain

Monday, November 10, 2014

Confusion May Mean You're Dealing with a Narc

Oftentimes, especially in the beginning of a relationship with an emotional vampire, there are no clear warning signs. This is definitely the case with a covert malignant narcissist, a type of person who's very good at masking her disorder. You often find these predators in the helping professions, such as teaching or social work. Unfortunately, coverts are also drawn into marriage and family therapy.

So, if you decide to see a therapist to help you work through some of the problems a narcissist has created in your life, be very careful that you don't place yourself in the clutches of another morally disordered person. Be aware of anything that seems amiss. In a therapist, this would be someone who talks about themselves too much, instead of focusing on what you need. She may also be a very fashionable dresser, or she may be a little too interested in how you plan to pay for your sessions.

After my own experience with a covert narcissist, I opted against therapy. (Please understand that I am not a trained mental health professional, and I write only from the perspective of someone who's experienced betrayal and deceit.) However, I did gain insight into this disorder from a relative who is a trained therapist. I also did a lot of reading, and, as a practicing Catholic, I believe the Holy Spirit led me to the right online resources, which I desperately needed, in order to shed some light on this encounter.

So, if you think you need professional help, don't necessary listen to me. Be sure to get help if you find that you can't function or are severely depressed. Just make an all-out effort to find a good therapist, and feel free to change therapists if you think it's a bad match.

Anyway, let me get back to my original point of spotting a covert narcissist, who works hard to cover her tracks. Perhaps the only sign you'll see is confusion, which appears whenever you're dealing with this person. Don't ignore this waving red flag, especially if you notice it in a new acquaintance. Narcissists specialize in creating confusion. Normal, healthy people do not.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Narcs Use Your Reactions to Destroy You

Malignant narcissists are emotional predators. Never underestimate their capacity to create conflict and cause harm. They employ a variety of tricks designed to destroy you, and they are so sneaky that those of us who don't suffer from this moral disorder usually can't even begin to comprehend how devious they can be.

Here is one example. A narcopath studies her targets thoroughly. So, when she's ready to attack, she knows just what buttons to push in order to get a reaction. It may take many little paper cuts, inflicted over time, until she draws some serious blood. But narcissists are very patient. They a curious mix of impulsive and plotting, and, if waiting serves her purpose, she can wait forever.

What she's looking for is a reaction from you. She wants an angry outburst, witnessed by others. Then, she can say, "See I told you so, I told you she was unstable."

Or, she'll send you confusing and inflammatory emails. Then, when you've just about had it, and you respond in an emotional manner, she's delighted. That's because she now has something to share with those people she's trying to turn against you.

Normal people do not scheme like this to bring down a rival. But a morally deficient narcopath will spare no effort, if she's out to neutralize someone.

Malignant narcissists are very dangerous and deceitful characters. Don't make the mistake of responding to one of these serial provokers.

Pixabay image top by Nemo