Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Every disordered persona I've ever known has been unstable, something that appears to correlate with their degree of impairment. Along with this is a tendency to be very fickle. They flit from one activity to the next, and from one person to the next. Again, just how much also seems to relate to the degree of their anti-social tendencies.
For instance, a narcissist will totally throw herself into a project, and then abandon it, in order to move onto something else. She does the same thing with people. In the beginning of a relationship, she greatly desires to spend time with you, as much as you'll allow.
But, because she can't stick to anything, she eventually feel the need to move on. This is when you'll notice a shift in the relationship. This becomes more evident with time, especially as the narcissist is getting ready to discard you for another source of "supply."
Malignant narcissists need constant "supply," which is the high they get from compliments, praise, recognition and power. (In this post, you'll notice I use the female pronoun "she." That's because this blog is geared towards women who emotionally abuse other women.)
Oftentimes, the instability and fickleness of a narcissist is not immediately apparent. It's something we notice only in hindsight. But it's something I've seen with many of the lower-functioning narcissists I've met.
Higher-functioning malignant narcissists/sociopaths are little more focused, and they appear to be able to devote their attention to a particular task or person for a longer period of time. But, eventually, they tire of the same thing (or person) as well. (I'm not a mental health professional. My knowledge of this insidious disorder comes from first-hand experience.)
The very nature of malignant narcissism is the tendency to be fickle. These predators are completely self serving. They have no loyalty, and are ruled only by self interest. They don't make good friends, since they'll almost always avail themselves of the opportunity to undermine you, when you're least expecting it.
If you have a new acquaintance, and notice some strong narcissistic traits, proceed with caution. Don't share personal information and don't introduce her to anyone else you know. Given the prevalence of narcissism/sociopathy in our modern society, where an estimated 1 out of every 25 people simply cannot be trusted, we need to spot teh warning signs in order to protect ourselves.
Chances are, if you've read this far, you'll been involved with a malignant narcissist. If that's the case, you don't need me to tell you just how dangerous and destructive they are.
Pixabay image by OpenClips
Monday, January 26, 2015
I realize not everyone who reads this blogs shares my Catholic faith or even believes in God. Most of the posts here don't have a religious topic, even though I personally believe much of what we're seeing, in terms of narcissistic abuse, is due to the fact we're living in very wicked times, and that many people have lost their moral compass. (Most of the discussion on the spiritual aspects of malignant narcissism can be found on my Church Bullies blog.)
Many of us have experienced the worst kind of treachery, from people we once trusted, and whom went to great lengths to deceive us. This type of behavior, I'm convinced, arises partly from an accumulation of sin, which hardens the heart.
There is so much sin in the world, and a lot of hardness of heart. But there are still many kind and honest people. If you ask God to send good people into your life, I believe He will. Everything happens in his own time, of course. But, eventually, once you decide you no longer want malicious people around, and you get better at spotting these fakers, things will change in a very positive way.
Anyway, can prayer offer relief from narcissistic abuse? For me, I think it was only God's help that brought me out of the darkness of having a deceitful person posing as a friend. Although this may not sound too terrible, she was a very destructive force, and her actions affected other close relationships.
However, God changed things for me in a most wonderful way. I prayed a number of prayers, including one known as "The Miracle Prayer." After about a year and a half of praying this every day, my entire life had changed, as I finally realized the source of my troubles.
The Miracle Prayer begins with the words, "Lord Jesus, I come before Thee, just as I am....I forgive all others for what they have done against me." There is also mention of the evil one, as the prayer continues, asking us to renounce Satan and all his evil works.
Anyway, you can Google the prayer if you're interested.
Meanwhile, I'll be praying for all of you.
Pixabay image by Nemo
Friday, January 23, 2015
When psychologists speak of triangulation, they are referring to behavior that is disordered and abnormal. People with strong narcissistic traits, or borderlines, will often not speak directly with people, but, instead, bring a third party into the picture.
They may complain or gossip about one person to the other. Or, they may engage in a dynamic known as "splitting," in which they attempt to sow discord, in order to create tension in a relationship between these two individuals. Actually, this is classic narcissistic behavior, and it is very wicked.
Oftentimes, it is also very effective, as people who used to be on good terms become enemies. The triangulation and splitting happen because narcissists are very good at manipulating certain situations to serve their purposes. They are very skillful liars, something that apparently comes with a lot of practice.
Triangulation is a good way to spot someone with a character disorder. If you see this in a new acquaintance, you probably want to back off. You also don't want to give them any information at all about your personal life, as they will use it to shred you to pieces, when you're not within earshot.
What will a narcissist accuse you of? Probably the very same things she's doing. This is called "projection" and it's just one of the weapons a narcissist uses to discredit a rival.
Splitting and triangulation are very immature behaviors. In many ways, malignant narcissists are much like children, only just not as much fun to be around.
Pixabay image top by geralt
Thursday, January 22, 2015
When a malignant narcissist declares war, she rallies her troops. These are the flying monkeys she recruits to help her destroy a target. They participate in her devious scheme to make life as difficult as they can for an innocent person.
If this scenario unfolds at work, the target typically loses her job. Currently, one in three American employees report being bullied. According to figures provided by the Workplace Bullying Institute, females are behind 40 percent of the untold number of bullying cases each year. Most of the time, they target another woman.
Flying monkeys also operate in social settings. You'll find them in neighborhoods, mother's groups, women's clubs, volunteer associations, youth sports clubs and in church. Once again, the object is to remove the target from the group.
These puppets blindly support the bully, regardless of the devastating consequences to the target. One of the things they do, which is especially treacherous, is spying. They may pretend to be sympathetic listeners, so the victim confides in them. If she's upset about what's happening, they dutifully relay this information to the bully, whom then becomes delighted she's causing so much drama.
Oftentimes, you need the perspective of hindsight to determine, with any accuracy. who is really on your side. That's why, if things start to get uncomfortable at work, or anywhere else, be careful of sharing too much information. Malicious people have nefarious ways of gathering it.
Pixabay image by geralt
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Attempting to seek acceptance from a malignant narcissist is a big mistake. There's no pleasing someone who has such a serious character disorder. Early in the relationship, it may appear as if all is well. But it's only an illusion. You're still in the "grooming" phase, and this predatory person is sizing you up. That's one of the reasons she's so readily available and seemingly so "amenable."
Predictably, this phase will end. You'll start to see more of her real nature unmasked. It's not a pretty sight. However, this is also a very confusing time, because you still don't know exactly what you're dealing with. You wonder if you're being "too sensitive," or if you're misreading certain very clear signals. Also, you wonder if the problem lies with you, instead of with her. (This is a blog about female emotional vampires, and how they savagely attack other women, after "befriending" them.)
At this point, there is also the temptation to be extra nice to your "friend," just in case you've done something to inadvertently offend her. This is a big mistake, because you run the risk of losing yourself in the process.
If someone is acting sullen, moody and distant, they should tell you why and what is bothering them. They usually will if they care about you. Sudden aloofness, or running hot and cold, is a troubling sign. Unless something terrible is happening in their lives, it often means the person in question doesn't take your feelings into consideration.
If you're dealing with a malignant narcissist, there's no chance of saving this doomed relationship. People with this fundamental character flaw only pretend to be your friend. The truth of the matter is that they have great difficulty maintaining any relationship, because there's no give on their part. They are the ultimate takers.
As soon as you serve your purpose, they beat a hasty retreat. (That's if you're lucky.) Otherwise, they stick around until they're satisfied that they've completely humiliated you. Most narcopaths have a mean streak, and they'll set up a series of traps, which they direct you towards. They also find a way to involve other people in this meticulously orchestrated drama.
Once you realize you're trying to please a malignant narcissist, you'll see things from a new vantage point. You no longer desire to spend time with this person, because you recognize that she's malicious.
Cutting these predators out of their lives, if they're not related to us, is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
Pixabay image by OpenClips
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
People who abuse others without remorse are either sociopaths or very close. Normal, healthy people do not delight in destroying their fellow human beings.
The common perception is that sociopaths are locked up, after having committed heinous crimes. However, I recently read something online written by a mental health expert, who specializes in anti-social personality disorders. The point he made was very enlightening. He believes the really savvy sociopaths are the ones who've managed to escape detection. So they're not spending time in jail. Instead, they occupy boardrooms, classrooms and operating rooms. They stand beside us in line at the grocery store (unless they've found someone else to do their shopping), they live in our neighborhoods and they worship with us at church.
These master manipulators know just how far to go, so they don't get in trouble. If you follow this line of thinking, the smarter they are, the less likely they will give away their big secret, which is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of the population.
These really smart sociopaths are gifted with intelligence that far exceeds the norm. However, they use it for destructive ends, instead of the betterment of society.
Because they are so clever, and have learned to disguise their disorder so well, they are the last ones anyone (except their targets) would suspect of being sociopaths. This is precisely what makes them so dangerous.
Pixabay image top by OpenClips
Monday, January 19, 2015
A malignant narcissist needs a team of flying monkeys at her back and call. Otherwise, she can't do much.
These flying monkeys are her hired help. Although they may not receive financial compensation, there are other rewards. This is what keeps them employed.
For instance, in the workplace, the payout may be the promise of a more lucrative position, with increased responsibility. It may be more job security, if they switch over to a a winning team (the narcissist's). It may be inclusion into an inner circle, led by an overgrown female bully. Or, they may just enjoy a sense of belonging, as people rally to the side of the narcissist, so she can exact revenge upon her target.
The same dynamic plays out in a more informal social setting. People like to be included, so they will quickly shift allegiances to make sure they're not left out. The ante is raised if they have children, since they don't want them to miss out on play dates and invitations. If mom is excluded, her children often will be too.
Self interest is first and foremost in the mind of a flying monkey. Although they may not have intended to abuse someone else for "pay," they were presented with an offer they couldn't refuse.
I have very little sympathy for these weak-willed individuals, whom team up with a socially aggressive bully to destroy an innocent person. They're her support system. This support enables her to operate without the threat of sanctions or consequences.
Pixabay photo top by LoggaWiggler