Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Destructive Effects of Gossip

Relational aggression among females typically involves gossip. A woman's tongue can aptly be called a weapon of mass destruction when she uses it to harm another. Usually it's just not one person. Gossipers are like serial killers, as they slay the reputation of others.

The way to stop this problem is for everyone to stop listening when someone is shredding another to pieces. You can either walk away or you can interject a kind word in their defense.

There are few things you can count on in life, but one thing is entirely predictable. A gossip who pretends to be your friend will also talk about you to others.

Also, the tongue of the tale teller will eventually become the means of her destruction. Eventually, others will realize that she lies, or, at least, greatly stretches the truth. And she'll never be trusted again.

Flickr photo by deviantART2


  1. As a victim of scapegoating I know this first hand that whenever a scapegoat tries to defend themselves they are concidered "gossiping" and shut up by the kind words to defend the liar.

    So much crap I know about those scapegoating me and others, stuff they did, but framed others for, while portraiting to be perfect and good people. So this is a no-win situation. If you ever take the leaf off your mouth and tell people the truth about these guilt-shifters, you are making yourself look even worse.

    I've always known it, but one time I just had to say something cause it was so awful how my aunts thought our baby sis was the kindest of the litter. Just recently before their remark to me about her kindness I had had an hellish week trying to stop her from killing a kitty she had borrowed from one of the aunts.

    I thought I had finally made her see it was wrong, and left her on the other side of the house from where our dog was tied up. I told her to not move and I'd be back in a couple of minutes to get her and the kitty. When I came back she was already standing infront of the dog and had just given her the kitty.

    She was atleast 6 years old at the time and remembering how much I understood at that age I can't get why she never could understand what I said to her. I told her the dog would kill the kitty, and the dog did. When I screamed at her, she turned around with a cold blank stare.

    Then a brother heard my screaming and asked why, and our sis turned her face towards him. When she did she looked like I was looking, the same expression, but I didn't realize that first. It was our brother who said - "she's upset, why are you yelling at her".

    She didn't look upset when she looked at me, but now she did. And after that she always told people that is was my dog that had killed the poor kitty and she cried for a week and can never forget the pain.

    So when my aunts said she was a saint I had to say something, so I said "well, she can also" and nothing more, implying she was not always totally nice. To that I was told I was a very nasty person!

    It felt very painful, as I had really tried to save that kitty but I failed and I blamed myself for not being more clever. I just couldn't believe she really wanted to kill the kitty, so I trusted her for a short while. I must had been 15 at the time, and I had told the parents they should not let my sis have the kitty, but they refused to take it away from her.

    My husband has told me to tell my aunts the truth about their beloved niece, as she has plenty more sceletons in her closet, but I know they will never really believe anything, so I keep my gob shut.

    Atleast I have one of my brothers who sees thrue her lies. I think there is no use in trying to reveal liars to people who are under their enchantment. They will either realize they are being lied to themselves, or they will not.

    If you try to make them see you might be concidered a liar yourself. But the liar can gossip and lie, my aunts believe any crap she says about me, cause she's so nice and clever about it. :((

  2. Ingis, you are absolutely right. Silence is the best approach. I firmly believe the truth always reveals itself sooner or later. It also sounds as if your relatives have either turned a blind eye to the situation, or don't want to see it for what it is. It sounds like a toxic family dynamic. Maybe you want to think about distancing yourself emotionally.

    I am not a trained mental health professional. Just someone with personal experience being a target of a malignant narcissist.

    1. Yes, I have realized I better do that when finally my sister turned on me big time last year. That was when all these childhood memories came back to me. There were always the signs, but you get used to things and learn to accept people the way they are. No more, I tell you. They have truly shown their real faces now and I will not go back to their mad house. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!

  3. No offense but when I read that story about Ingis' sister coldly giving the cat to the dog, the cold expression on her face and then acting out the victim before the onlookers, it reminded me of the 1950s movie called "The Bad Seed." It also reminded me of Psalm 58:3-5