Saturday, November 16, 2013

Narcissists and Their Tendency to Discard People


Because people with personality disorders lack empathy, they use people for their own means. When they are finished, they throw you away, or discard you, like an old tissue. The fact that this may hurt your feelings, or that, perhaps, you valued the relationship, does not concern them. You've served your purpose, so they're done with you.

People who have difficulty relating to others may also take extreme offense at seemingly innocent actions. This is also a good indication you're dealing with someone who has a personality disorder, especially if they react inappropriately to something that should make them happy. Even if you apologize profusely, for some imagined wrong, they may not accept. They may then "punish" you distancing themselves and withdrawing their affection.

Oftentimes, it's very difficult to know when someone has deep-seated issues, which make it impossible for her to have an honest relationship. Sometimes this becomes apparent only when the "friend" in question drops you suddenly. She stops calling. She won't return your calls. If you ask her what's wrong, she'll say "nothing." This is "discarding." Normal, healthy people don't do this.

Discarding is much different than just two friends drifting apart, which happens naturally with no hard feelings. It's also different than deciding a new friendship isn't working out, and trying to pull back. If the other person asked why, and usually they wouldn't ask, you'd be able to say, "We really don't have too much in common, but I think you're a really nice person" or something to that effect.

Don't feel too badly if you are discarded by someone you considered to be a good friend. The fact that this happened indicates something was fundamentally wrong with the relationship.

Flickr photo by Randy Son of Robert

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