Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Need for More Information on Female Naricssists

One of the reasons I started this blog is because there doesn't seem to be enough online information on female bullies, who most likely suffer from malignant narcissism or another personality disorder. However, I know this problem is very widespread.

Most of the really good online forums on abuse, such as LoveFraud Blog and Out of the Fog, focus on male abusers or female abusers in the context of a romantic relationship.

This site is different, because I want to explore why women are so mean to each other. Female friendships can bring us great joy. They can also cause great misery, if a close "friend" happens to turn on us or betray us. (Many of us can speak about this first-hand.)

When this happens, the emotional fallout is devastating. This person is someone we trusted, unfortunately. Where do we go from here? Do we write off female friends altogether, or do we choose our new companions with more care?

One of the experts on female friendships is Dr. Irene Levine, PhD., who has written a book about the myth of having a BFF, or "best friend forever." This is often unrealistic because people continually evolve, she notes. Dr. Levine acknowledges that friendship woes can be very disturbing, because our friends play such an important role in our lives.

Oftentimes, though, women have problems with other women with whom they never shared a close friendship. This could be a supervisor at work, for instance. Female bullying happens out of the workforce as well, as rivalries can crop up in any type of social circle.

Flickr photo by Tambako the Jaguar

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Family Dynamics Might Partially Explain Why We Become Targets

The dynamics in our family of origin might have something to do with why we become targets of malignant narcissists. One therapist I know well explained it like this. If you grow up in a very dysfunctional family, bizarre behavior seems normal. So, when you meet someone who displays these same characteristics, you don't recoil. Instead, you gravitate toward what feels familiar. You don't have the same ability, as does someone raised in a better environment, to label and avoid abusive behavior.

Of course, because people with disordered personalities are usually charismatic, they tend to draw people in. It's also believed that people who are highly empathetic attract sociopaths like magnets. One ploy a disordered individual often uses is to elicit sympathy, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Being a nice person, you like to do all you can to help. However, this quickly becomes a destructive force in your life.

Flickr photo by photon_de

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Trusting Again After Narcissistic Abuse

Once you've finished dealing with a malignant narcissist, some lingering issues remain. You may have forgiven her and moved on. You may not have seen her for years. But once your view of the world has been so radically altered, it's hard to trust again. This isn't all bad though.

Because we are now more cautious, we're very careful not to reveal too much information to a new acquaintance, at least until we've had a more time to get to know them. We also tend to treasure our old friends, whom have proven themselves trustworthy.

The encounter with a deeply disturbed and toxic person was painful. But you are also much more wise. You had strength you never knew you had, along with a much deeper appreciation for the good you do see in people. (Most people, basically, do have good will.)

I'm trying to just count my blessings years after having my life ransacked by a malignant narcissist I met at church. Because I was too trusting, I shared my innermost thoughts and secrets. (This was to my detriment, as she was able to construct scenarios that made my life challenges even worse.)

I also gave her access to other friends, with disastrous results. This has truly been a life changing experience. You don't have to be romantically involved with a sociopath/malignant narcissist in order to suffer great harm.

Flickr photo by Iqmal Osman1

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Emotional Vampire is a Very Good Description for a Female Bully

"Emotional vampire" is a very accurate description of a female malignant narcissist, because an encounter with one of these individuals leaves you exhausted, as if all your blood has been sucked away. The term seems to have been coined by a psychologist named Dr. Albert Bernstein, PhD, who has also written a book called Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry.

Dr. Bernstein explains that emotional vampire is just a cute term for someone suffering from a personality disorder, such as sociopathy or narcissism. Actually, I should also point out that these vampires might be suffering from something, but everyone around them suffers as well. That's because they play a lot of mind games, often with devastating results. For instance, if you work with a narcissist, and he or she happens to be envious of you, watch out. You'll be in for the ride of your life.

Anyway, Dr. Bernstein's book is humorous and serious at the same time. He gives you clear advice on how to set firm boundaries with the personality disordered, so peace can reign in your life.

Flickr photo by valhelmsb

Monday, January 13, 2014

Why it's Important to Learn About Malignant Narcissism

The reason I started this blog is to provide another online resource for victims of malignant narcissists and sociopaths. That's because of the old saying, "knowledge is power. This is especially true when dealing with a disordered individual.

I decided to focus on female bullies (another word for malignant narcissist) because they are so sneaky. They are every bit as destructive as male bullies, if not more so. There's no peace when a female narcissist is in your life, even if you're not her direct target. Just having one of these personalities in an office, or another setting, will add a great deal of stress to the group dynamics. Female bullies possess almost a superhuman ability to turn people against one another.

So, if you are closely associated with a female narcissist, it behooves you to learn how these bullies work. Read as much as you can about this disorder, so you can spot the telltale signs. Once you see it once or twice, you'll know what to look for. (However, there is also a type of bully known as a covert narcissist. These people appear very humble, yet they are anything but. Two signs of this are inappropriate anger and a sense of entitlement.)

If you work with a female narcissist, be particularly careful not to offend her. She will remember (you can bank on this) and strike back with a vengeance. If you have someone in your circle of friends with strong narcissistic traits, don't introduce her to anyone else you know. That's because she will sow discord in your other relationships. The best way to deal with a narcissist, if possible, is to cut them out of your life.

Flickr photo (top) by symphony of love

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Rest in Peace Kathy Krajco, a Writer Who Exposed the Deviousness of Narcissism

Kathy Krajco was not a mental health professional. She was a tennis pro who experienced narcissistic abuse. Kathy turned this into an opportunity to educate others about this horrible, insidious condition. Her blog Narc-Attack was a masterpiece, because it explained, in layman's terms, how people with malignant narcissism operate.

I stumbled upon it during the worst of my own trials with a covert malignant narcissist who pretended to be my friend, so she had access to my thoughts during that time. Kathy's blog helped me to understand that what was happening in my life was the work of a very devious person. Reading her posts helped to formulate a plan of dealing with this, and, eventually, moving out of the situation. So I owe her a lot of gratitude for compiling her insights into a blog.

Unfortunately, Kathy has passed away. I don't know what she died from, or if it was accidental or sudden. Someone appears to be maintaining her blog, though, because it's still online. The link is right below.

Rest in peace Kathy.

Flickr photo by Galveston Islander

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Why a Narcissist Will Try to Ignore You

At times, for no apparent reason, a narcissist will ignore you. This may continue for days, weeks, months or indefinitely. If this is someone you've previously been close to, it may come as a surprise. You may also feel hurt and wonder if it was something you did or said.

It's probably nothing you did, or didn't do, that brought this on. There is no pleasing a narcissist, since they take great offense at real or imagined slights. So you can't win. Even if you do things 100 percent to their liking, eventually they'll find fault with something. This is the nature of this disorder.

When they are unhappy, often over a trivial incident blown way out of proportion, they may decide to "punish" you by withholding their attention. Because they think they are so special, they also believe not allowing you to spend time with them is the ultimate way to inflict pain.

If you recognize narcissism for what it is, you'll realize they're doing you a huge favor. Being in a relationship with one of these dark souls, whether it's a romantic entanglement or a friendship, is always a losing endeavor. Once you see the signs, get out as fast as you can.

The only way to deal with an emotional vampire is to establish the "no contact" rule. Say goodbye, for good.

Flickr photo by joannapoe