During my encounter with a malignant narcissist, I vividly recall the confusion. Why were things so crazy and what was happening? Learning as much as I could about this personality disorder was the first step in my recovery. This was the "light bulb moment," when I realized that I'd allowed a deeply flawed character into my life. Changes had to be made and I needed to make them.
The first order of business was putting a lot of distance between myself and the person orchestrating all the drama. This wasn't as easy as it sounds because I had introduced her to my best friend, with whom she had become extremely close. Out of necessity, I needed to pull away from my friend a bit as well.
I've never discussed the issue of narcissism with my friend. All I could say was certain dynamics were making me uncomfortable, and that I needed my space. There are two reasons why I couldn't be more candid. One was that I don't like talking about people behind their backs. If I confronted the narcissist about her actions, she'd deny them. Narcissists will not be held accountable.
The second reason is that my friend would probably not believe me. Although she witnessed the narcissist in action, at one point, it was followed by a plausible excuse. She shouldn't have bought it, but narcissists are very convincing. Eventually, she will learn for herself, unfortunately. Narcissists have a pattern of mistreating the very people they are initially so anxious to please.
The period of confusion is, by far, the worst part of dealing with a malignant narcissist. Once you catch on, you are on the road to becoming free from their lethal grip.
Flickr photo by nist6ss