Saturday, March 15, 2014

How a Narcissist Gets Others to Betray You

I recently saw a "pin" on Pinterest that shed a lot of light on how female narcissists operate. It aptly describes how one person is capable of causing so much destruction. Anyway, this little bit of wisdom posted on Pinterest explains what happens. Narcissists are master manipulators. In their drive to destroy their target, they direct other people to do things that hurt the target.

People with personality disorders, such as narcissism or sociopathy, have incredible insight into what makes others tick. So they are able to use this knowledge to harm our relationships.

In a group setting, female bullies typically choose one target at a time. Then, they seek to isolate her. The idea is to make her so uncomfortable that she'll have to leave the group. This might play out in a professional setting, or in a volunteer capacity, such as a parent-teacher organization or a church. Or, this particular dynamic might unfold among a neighborhood full of mothers with young children.

A narcissist will carefully construct various scenarios that leave a target out in the cold. Let's say, for instance, you belong to a social group of six women who have children all around the same age, who also attend the same school. You've known each other for years, ever since your children were infants.

You also have one best friend in this group. The narcissist knows this, and she wants to put some pressure on the relationship. So she tries to fulfill your best friend's most pressing need.

Right now, your best friend is worried about her painfully shy seven-year-old son. She desperately wants him to find friends. The narcissistic mother has an outgoing eight-year-old son. So she puts a lot of effort into facilitating a friendship between the boys. However, she isn't trying to do a good deed. She's using the opportunity to get close to your friend.

She arranges frequent play dates for her son and your friend's son. Soon, the two women are spending a lot of time together. At the same time, the narcissistic mother starts giving you the brush off. She also starts to arrange a lot of group-wide events, while neglecting to include you.

If your best friend was truly loyal, she wouldn't stand for this nonsense. True friends don't allow their friends to be mistreated. However, most people don't have the integrity or backbone to stand up to a malignant narcissist.

Flickr photo by kodomut

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