Saturday, March 8, 2014
How Narcissists Size You Up and "Groom" You for Abuse
Before a narcissist makes a move, he or she will size you up. Since this blog is dedicated to female abusers, I'll be using the pronoun "she." During this phase, also known as "grooming," a narcissistic predator will pretend to be your friend. In her mind, she may even think she's your friend. But people with such severe personality disorders are incapable of friendship.
During this time, she'll shower you with attention. She be available and "helpful," while she's looking for your weak spots. You may mistake this for true friendship, and you might think you've found a soul mate who understands you perfectly. The problem is, she does understand you. She will later use everything she's learned to launch her attack.
A narcissist will probably still pretend to be your friend, even after she's laid the ground for your destruction. (However, she's not going to destroy you, because you're going to rise from this challenge stronger than ever.)
Life then becomes difficult for a stretch. If this plays out in the workplace, your job is at risk. You might have to seek new employment, if the going gets too rough. If it happens in a social circle, you'll probably have to expand your horizons and find new friends.
Narcissists usually win, because they are very savvy and most people can't see through their shenanigans. Even if they can, and it makes them uncomfortable, it's a rare person who will risk their own position, especially on the job, to come to your defense.
There is a way to protect yourself from female covert narcissists. Be very careful of opening up to a new female acquaintance too soon, especially if she is the type that asks a lot of questions. Watch for the warning signs. Be very careful of someone who speaks unkindly of others when they aren't present. They'll do the same thing to you. That is something you can bank on.
Flickr photo by Cook24v