Saturday, March 1, 2014

Narcissistic Abusers Need Accomplices

Narcissists like to rally people to their cause. When they go after a target, they typically pull in others as co-abusers. These accomplices are weak and spineless people who may have personality disorders themselves. Or, they may be the victims of narcissistic abuse. Sometimes they have so little character that they align with the powerful narcissist because they cower in fear. If they don't march in lockstep with her agenda, they could be next.

Other observers may turn on the target because they believe the abuser's twisted lies. Narcissists have no compunction about spinning the most elaborate tales about someone they want to discredit.

It's a shame the majority of people can't see through these tactics. But the reality is that a narcissist almost always wins the battle.

One of the most painful aspects of being a target is watching people you thought you could count on, one by one, jump to the narcissist's side. Many of us familiar with narcissistic manipulation call these folks "flying monkeys," named after the evil monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. A narcissist can get nowhere without them, and would never be able to cause so much damage if they didn't have a fleet of these pathetic creatures.

When you're immersed in the drama, it appears as if you're losing a lot of friends. However, after you recover, and look back on the situation, you can see that each of these flying monkeys had their own set of issues. Some were narcissists themselves. Others were simply very shallow.

Moving forward, your life will be filled with much better relationships. This is one of the blessings of being a recovered target.

Recovery happens only after you forgive, no matter how malicious and devious the behavior was. It's not easy, but it's necessary in order to move forward.

Flickr photo top by TORLEY


  1. I am in the midst of losing friends to a narcissist. This description is spot on to my experience.

  2. Hi Lisa, I just saw your comment and wanted to say that I'm so sorry this is happening. This is a very painful and horrible experience. The only consolation I can offer is that time will heal this pain and eventually you won't even care about these people, because you'll have moved on and made new friends.

    I'm sure there are many, many people going through similar situations right now. Female friendships have gotten so complicated and competitive. It seems as if any group of women can turn toxic, if there is just one competitive person in the mix. It's almost better to stay away from groups. Take care.