Friday, May 16, 2014

Characteristics of a True Friend

Having a morally disordered person in your life reveals who your true friends are. All of your relationships will be put to the test, when a female bully is in the mix. Female abusers use social aggression, which means every effort will be made to isolate you and to sever your support system. Oftentimes, this is accomplished in stages, each designed to turn you into an outcast.

A dominant female will seize control of all social activities. She will systematically exclude you. At the same time, she will lavish attention on the people you consider your friends. She will zero in on the person closest to you, and attempt to grant their every desire. Does your best friend have a young daughter who's socially withdrawn? Is your friend really worried about this?

Narcissists are extremely intelligent and they read the rest of us frighteningly well. They use the information they gather, while sizing us up, in order to manipulate us. In such a situation, the bully will foster a friendship between the shy girl and her own gregarious daughter. As far as the worried mother is concerned, this is a match made in Heaven. Her loyalties will then be divided between you, her best friend, and her new "friend."

So, unless your best friend is absolutely true blue, she's likely to go along with the plan to put you on the sidelines. Although you can't fault her for wanting to help her child, she still needs to stand by your side, in all circumstances. Social exclusion needs to be taken seriously. It's a very cruel form of bullying, and it's the primary way female abusers attack their targets. Unlike some male bullies, women do not use their firsts and do not threaten their adversaries with physical violence. Instead, they use social aggression.

How can you tell if someone is loyal. One way is by not remaining neutral. This sends a loud and clear message to the bully that her bad behavior is tolerated.

Although we all want the best for our children, real friends do not compromise when they see a friend being hurt. Also, real friends do not defend the actions of the bully or accuse you of being "too sensitive." Real friends also try to rectify the situation, even if it involves the risk of social sanctions.


  1. I got tipped off to this when my ex-"BFF" and his wife refused to turn away from a friend who sexually harassed me online. My "BFF" said I was too sensitive and it wasn't "real" because it was online. Then he refused to respect my wishes to not talk about this guy around me, since he and his wife were still friends with him after that. I never asked him to stop being friends with him, but hoped he would come to this conclusion himself.

    Also, his wife saw it happen, but instead of coming in, claws out, to defend me while this guy and his friends harassed me, she joked with him and talked about having him over at their house!

    It seems they were *both* narcissists and not good friends after all. And for so long I thought this guy was my best friend, trusted him with my secrets.

  2. Hi Nyssa, I'm so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. It's painful to realize a friend, someone we considered our best friend, is not the person you thought they were.

  3. I think this is truly the key to self respect, if you are a life long sufferer from bullying - to not go for the excuse of neutrality.

    Too many hide behind this, saying they don't want to take sides, that there is always two sides to a story or it takes two to fight, when in reality ONE person is lying about another, who might have some reaction, like "defending" herself against the obvious lies.

    Then those taking the neutrality card tries to avoid listening to the evidence, that proves you are innocent to whatever stuff framed on you cause you were not even at that place when she says you did the stuff. And that is not cool at all, as by doing that they let the bully and the liar get away with their shit - they are truly ENABLING her!

  4. I ment "to not fall for the excuse of neautrality". I think that is the right words. Sorry, english is not my language and sometimes I write things that would be correct in my own, but is not in english. :))

  5. That is absolutely correct. The enablers are just as guilty as the narcissist, because without them, her hate campaign would go nowhere. She is totally dependent upon these people to remain "neutral."