Thursday, May 8, 2014

Malignant Narcissists and "Crazy Making"

If you've ever been involved with a malignant narcissist, you'll understand the term "crazy making." This is just as it implies, as relationships with morally disordered people keep you off balance. Part of the reason for this is due to the fact that abusers like to toy with you, and they will use a variety of techniques, such as "gas lighting," to weaken you so they can assert their dominance.

Gas lighting is when they employ cruel psychological tactics that make you doubt your perception of something that really happened. The term comes from an old movie in which a husband slowly tries to drive his wife insane by manipulating their environment, but denying he did so.

To a narcissist, everything is a game and she wants to win each round at all costs.

Another reason you feel a little crazy is because their words and their actions do not match up. They may profess their love, loyalty and affection for you. They may even call you their "best friend." But talk is cheap. It's what they do, not what they say, that you need to take seriously. Remember when your mother was desperately ill, and you were taking care of her? You didn't have a minute to yourself and you didn't know how you were possibly going to get your children back and forth to school. Even though your narcissistic "friend" lived a few blocks away, and she was traveling in the same direction, because her kids attend the same school, did she offer to help, even once? In fact, when you asked her to drive just one time, she wriggled out with a flimsy excuse.

This is despite the fact you've taken her children, dozens of times, for the entire weekend, so she could have some time to herself.

Narcissists are all about themselves, despite their protestations otherwise. If they ever do extend themselves for someone, you're sure to hear about it, repeatedly.

Disordered people also seem to have an uncanny knack for knowing just how far to push us, before we say "enough is enough." When that point is reached, they'll do something really nice for you, so you begin to wonder if, perhaps, you're over reacting and not cutting them enough slack. You might even start to think you're the one with the problem, not them. Don't fall for this tactic. This is just part of narcissistic crazy making.

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