Monday, June 23, 2014

A Narcissist Will Get You to Apologize

In the crazy, twisted world we sometimes share with a malignant narcissist, we may find ourselves apologizing, even though we did nothing wrong. That's because morally disordered people won't allow themselves to be held accountable. If confronted, they will somehow turn the tables, so that you end up saying you're sorry, even though you know it's not your fault. These fake friends take full advantage of the fact that many of us hate conflict and like to keep peace. So we utter the words, "Well, I'm sorry for my part," even though the situation is clearly the narcissist's doing.

I'll admit that I recently did this myself, just to stop someone's rage. This person, however, is not a full-blown narcissist. But she is immature and a bit selfish. (However, we're all selfish, to a greater or lesser degree.) Because I don't believe she's dangerous, I'll maintain some sort of relationship, but it's not going to be a close one. Flying off the handle over nothing is never a good sign, even though we all have our bad days.

Malignant narcissists are skilled manipulators. If you can ever get them to admit they did something wrong, and extract an apology, it will be like pulling teeth. Also, the "I'm sorry" will be uttered in a very matter-of-fact manner, and it probably won't be sincere. Words mean little, if they're not backed up by actions. True contrition also means the person who harmed you takes steps to make it right again, even though things will never be set totally right. You won't see this happening, when dealing with a narcissist.

I've found that confronting a narcissist is more for your benefit than anything else. You get the issue out in the open, and they realize you're wise to their games. It lets them know you won't be playing them anymore. By the time you even realize you're dealing with a narcissist, it's usually very late in the process, after her mask has slipped. This typically happens just as she's about to discard you anyway. If she's not quite ready to cast you off, confronting her will make it happen faster. Believe me, this is a good thing.

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