Saturday, July 12, 2014

A Malignant Narcissist Will Claim that You're Selfish

If you're involved with a malignant narcissist, be prepared to hear a bunch of unflattering adjectives hurled at you. This will intensify as you move from the idealization to the devalue/discard phase, part of the natural progression of how a relationship with a morally disordered person evolves.

Because malignant narcissists refuse to accept responsibility for their actions, and will never admit they're at fault, they like to deflect their behavior onto you. So you might be called "selfish," or "unreasonable," or "manipulative" or "controlling" or "unforgiving." In reality, all of these accurately describe how the narcissist operates.

However, selfish is a favorite charge because the narcissist wants to convince her target she needs to give more in order to save the relationship. However, there's no point in trying to preserve a relationship with a morally disordered adult. Even if you manage to sail past this storm, another one will form before too long. That's because, ultimately, there's no pleasing a narcissist.

In reality, targets need to become more "selfish" so they can move on and find healthier relationships, while severing the ties that bind them to this emotional vampire. Ironically, up until now, a target hasn't been "selfish" enough.

Narcissists prey upon empaths, those giving souls who put themselves out for others. Empaths are highly attune to the needs of those around them. A narcissist zeros in on these kindly fixers, who like help solve other people's problems, because she knows they aren't "selfish" enough. It's lack of healthy selfishness that draws someone into a malicious narcissist's deadly grasp.


  1. My sister-in-law told me I was ‘selfish’ for wanting to have children. She already had two and I eventually had one. Doesn’t that make her twice as ‘selfish’? No. Different rules apply.

  2. Hi psychopathresistance, narcissists definitely have two sets of rules - one for them and another for everyone else. Thanks for reading.

  3. This one is so very true - whatever they say YOU are is a perfect description of what THEY are! My baby sister for instance accused me of not being able to admit to be wrong, and not being humble enough to. All the while I was backed up by another person, who'd seen the whole thing and confirmed what I said was true. My sister is VERY stuck up, nose in the air, make up stuff to look better then she is, praises herself by pretending others said nice stuff to her they never did, and so on. She also used to, when we were younger, taunt me cause I was so simple and humble, and never would brag! So that punch in my mental face about not being ENOUGH humble knew were it hit!. I'm still upset over it, as everyone reading her statement ought to have seen it was very wrong. I didn't notice anyone standing up for me, actually a few started to attack me instead. The person knowing I was the one telling the truth remained silent, just sighed in the background and would NOT go in and tell all the bullies SHE was the liar - the stuck up person not able to admit she could be wrong! He did tell it to me - personally - but dared not write it in response to her very hostile attack on me. She took a private conversation between us and replied to lots of peole, with HER interpretation of what I had said, not mentioning that I had a witness of course, and then proclaiming to EVERYONE she shared her mail with that I was the one bullying HER. I was writing to her, personally, and SHE sent out her bold lies to lots of people calling me the smearer and bully! That is so typical a malignant person you can get. All they do is to boldly claim the one they are tormenting is doing all they themselves are doing! You feel so betrayed, so in shock an awe that everyone is on their side, after it's so clearly the bold one is the bully, and not the one she proclaims are. Her husband even told everyone TWICE he'd call the police on me for doing what his wife said I was, and noone came to my defence, but my husband, who only in a private mail to this brother-in-law of mine, told him to stop it. He never heard back from the bastard though, and since he only wrote it in private all other bullies didn't get it. So my husband continued getting sick mails about me for months afterwards, telling him to take me to a psychiatrist and have me locked up and to keep me away from guns, and all sort of sick and twisted stuff. It was all so very hateful and evil, and all I had done was to stand up for what I knew was the TRUTH, and I was the one having a witness confirming this truth, the sister did't! Not long before all this she'd proclaimed she was right, as I didn't have any witness. Neither did she, but that bothered noone. As I didn't have anyone confirming my memory of events, I was of course not right. But then one person understood what the argue was about and did remember what had happened that evening - the same thing I said did! And that is when suddenly - there was no need for a witness anymore. Like you say - the RULES CHANGED!

  4. Thankfully, you have a good husband who will defend you. That's a blessing.