Friday, October 31, 2014

When Your Child's Teacher is a Narcissist

Females with strong narcissistic traits often gravitate toward the "helping professions," such as teaching and social work. Doing so gives them legitimacy and it helps them develop their cover as a nice person, when in reality they are plotter, connivers and manipulators. Being in such a position also gives them access to vulnerable targets, such as young students and their parents. One of my friends is a school psychologist, and she told me one time that she estimates that half of the teachers in any given school system are there for the wrong reasons, either self gratification or just waiting until their retirement benefits kick in.

Teachers are also notorious for bullying each other. One study by the American Psychological Association conducted a survey, in which 3,000 teachers were polled. About 80 percent of them believed they had been bullied on the job, either by another teacher, an administrator of a parent.

So, if you have a child in a school system, there's a pretty good chance he or she will eventually get a malignant narcissist as a teacher. As someone in a position of authority, she can do a great deal of damage if she decides to target your child. For a parent, this can become a living hell until the school year ends.

Here's what to do if you suspect your child's teacher is a narcissist. You can often spot this by her flashy dress, being overly manicured and constant talking about herself and her accomplishments. First of all, do not question anything she does. Find something you can sincerely compliment her on. Walk on eggshells, and stay out of the classroom as much as possible. You don't want to draw attention to yourself, or your child, because you don't want your son or daughter to become a target.

Watch carefully for signs that your child isn't enjoying school. Take it seriously if he or she says," The teacher doesn't like me." Remember, you are likely dealing an someone who probably has less maturity and self control than your child.

If your child is a target, plan your next move carefully. Ideally, you want your child transferred to another class. However, some school systems will resist, so make sure to document everything and bring it to the administration of necessary. If administrators won't budge, the targeting will likely escalate. At this point, you may want to think about changing schools or even home schooling.

The teacher will have no power over your child the next year, but you want to prevent any emotional harm in the meantime, because your child is being taught by an emotional predator. Good luck.

Pixabay image top by OpenClips

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

What is a Psychopathic Narcissist?

Sometimes, I think the term "malignant narcissist" is a little confusing. It describes someone with classic narcissistic traits who also has a propensity to harm people, or even delights in hurting others. But this description barely touches upon the level of evil these folks are capable of.

Imagine someone who pretends to be your best friend, but secretly plots your destruction. She desperately wants to ruin your life, and, in order to do so, "befriends" you for a year or two to gain access to your world. Everyone else thinks she is a living saint, but you start to see a few cracks in her facade. However, by the time you first notice she has very strange internal wiring, it's impossible to cut her out of your life. That's because she's infiltrated all your other relationships and has gotten to know your extended family. Your relatives, and even your own children, may idolize her.

Although these more "socialized" psychopaths may be function well in society, they are cut from the same mold as the folks locked up in prison, because they've committed some horrible crime. Both types of psychopaths are devoid of conscience and neither have empathy for anyone else. All psychopaths have the ability to do dastardly deeds, without suffering any remorse.

Most psychopaths, according to a number of prominent researchers who've studied this condition, are not behind bars. They are charming, personable and blend in with the rest of us. It's hard to get our heads around the fact they can appear so normal. Granted, that pretty young mother who drives her children back and forth to soccer practice on Saturday mornings doesn't look like a psychopath. But her targets know the truth. At work, she has clawed her way to the top of the feeding chain, by sabotaging the aspirations of others. In the process, she has destroyed the career of several innocent people, whom are now unemployed. She did the same thing at her previous job.

Also, her husband and her children know the truth. She pretty much ignores her family, except for soccer practice. There, she stands on the sidelines, looking like mother of the year.

This is why I think the term psychopathic narcissist is much more descriptive than malignant narcissist.

Pixabay image top by OpenClips

Monday, October 27, 2014

Narcissistic Abuse will Eventually Stop

If you're a target of a female bully, whether at work or elsewhere, it is undoubtedly a very trying time in your life. It probably seems as if it will never end and you'll never be happy again. But that's only an illusion. Everything has a season, and the narcissist will eventually choose a new target. (We sincerely hope she repents, and amends her life, but these instances are rare, and, if it does happen, it may not be for a long time.)

Meanwhile, you must deal with her. If the abuse plays out in a social setting, or at church, usually the best thing to do is to leave, even if it means pulling your children away from people they've come to know and love. The fact that you have children is often a justification for staying in a toxic environment longer than necessary. But it's much better to take your children away from a poisonous atmosphere, because of the potential damage it can do to them. Once a situation reaches a tipping point, where others believe a narcissist's lies, and give her their unconditional support, things are too far gone for them to turn around.

If you work for a narcissist, or the office bully has targeted you, you could be trapped until you find a new job. Things may seem hopeless, but, one day, you will be free from the struggle and emerge much stronger than before.

Keep in mind that narcissists are not happy people and they have very limited power, even though it doesn't seem that way when you're in the line of fire. So, this too shall pass.

Here are some things to keep in mind.

  • Malignant narcissists are very impulsive and they will eventually mess up. All you have to do is wait.
  • Morally disordered people lie a lot. Eventually, this will catch up with them. Remember the old saying, "You can fool some of the people some of the time."
  • People with a serious character disorder, such as malignant narcissism, attract like-minded comrades to their camp. However, because these flying monkeys lack integrity, they can't be trusted. Power struggles will eventually emerge and infighting will break out. The group will then implode. Remember, there's no honor among thieves.
  • I don't know if you believe in God, but I do, and I know He's watching everything. In His time, he will put a stop to the abuse. This you can count on.

Pixabay image top by tpsdave

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Corporate Culture in America allows Female Bullies to Flourish

My heart goes out to anyone who's targeted by a female malignant narcissist at work. Most of us work because we need to, so cutting a predator out of your life isn't so simple when you depend upon a paycheck. The standard advice of distancing yourself doesn't apply here, unfortunately, although, once you detect a toxic atmosphere, it's a good time to update your resume and start looking around. Usually, the bully's goal is to drive you out of the organization.

Most workplace targets end up leaving their jobs, whether by force, in the case of a firing, or by voluntary resignation. This happens 75 percent of the time, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, which is a great source of help, information and support. This organization has also pushed for nationwide legislation that would make these head games patently illegal.

However, until embattled workers have more legal protection, there's very little anyone can do once a hate campaign gains some traction. Adult bullies do not strike unless they know they'll win. To ensure themselves of this "victory," they will surreptitiously chip away at your social network, until you have no loyal friends left. This happens gradually, and without your knowledge. But the time you realize something is up, the situation is very far gone.

So, if you're a target of a workplace tyrant, you have my condolences. This too shall pass, and when one door closes, another will open.

If this person is not your supervisor, don't be surprised if management turns a blind eye as she takes her swings at you. Workplace bullying is accepted in America, and morally disordered people tend to receive a disproportion share of promotions. I'd go so far as to say the entire corporate culture in America is very sick, because workplace bullies are allowed to flourish.

Pixabay image top by jarmoluk

Thursday, October 23, 2014

People Who Gossip are not Happy

Malignant narcissists love to gossip. In fact, one of the best ways you can spot a someone with this moral disorder is by their propensity to discuss other people's business and to paint them in an unflattering light, when they are not there to defend themselves. You can also count on them spreading similar dirt about you, when you're out of earshot.

(Occasionally, a covert narcissist will not be an obvious busybody, because she's traveling in circles where gossip is socially unacceptable, such as in a church, so she watches herself. But most people with malignant narcissism and borderline personality disorder cannot control their tongues.)

Malignant narcissists are insanely envious of everything and everyone, so the very fact that you're happy, and they're not, is enough to set them against you. People with character disorders such as this are not happy with themselves, or else they wouldn't behave this way. Although a malignant narcissist does not have an appropriate amount of empathy or remorese, I suspect that deep down they know their actions are terrible, or else they wouldn't go to such great lengths to convince everyone else they are so kind and benevolent.

These types of people are dangerous and malicious, because they can turn your life upside down as long as they are in it. The best advice, if you encounter a female narcissist, is to cut her loose. However, this becomes much more difficult when she's someone you work with. Nowadays, it seems as if every office has a resident bully.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Why Malignant Narcissists Lie About Us

Malignant narcissists are a puzzle because their thought processes are so much different than how the rest of us think. It's very difficult for us to understand just what they're up to. However, at the same time, morally disordered people are quite predictable. One thing we can count on them to do is to lie.

Lying comes easily and naturally to an individual with malignant narcissism. People with this character flaw will lie about their targets, and I believe they do this for two reasons. One is that they are very concerned with what other people think of them. They know they are mistreating their target, and if anyone else caught on to their vicious mind games, they'd think the narc was a horrible person. So they need to cover up their misdeeds. One way of doing this is to convince people that the target did something to deserve this treatment.

A narcissist may even believe this herself, because she has such twisted thinking. Also, she needs to justify her terrible behavior to herself. So she convinces herself that the target is a bad person, who deserves the full force of her wrath.

One curious thing about narcissistic abuse is that the perpetrator will publicly accuse her victim of the very thing she is doing. For instance, if she is lying about her target, she will tell people the target is lying about her, and that she is being persecuted and pursued. Most people will believe this story, because they have no reason to assume that the narcissist isn't telling the truth.

Malignant narcissists are the consummate con men and women. They operate so much like psychopaths that some researchers believe that's what they really are, except they strike in a more "socially acceptable" manner.

Pixabay image top by geralt

Monday, October 20, 2014

When a Narcissist is Angry with You

A malignant narcissist may hate you and she may be seething with rage. But, oftentimes, you don't know this until after the fact. That's because people with moral disorders wear masks, and it's not until the mask slips that you discover the hideous reality underneath.

When you first meet a narc, all you see is her smiling face. Even though the relationship seems to go well in the beginning, before long something will happen to set this dangerous predator off. (People with malignant personalities cannot maintain relationships, and will burn through a series of them.) However, you still may not realize you've done anything "wrong," and that this person who pretends to be your friend is upset with you and intensely envious. It's during this phase of the "friendship" that she begins a smear campaign, and the social aggression kicks in.

If you've made the mistake of introducing her to your other friends, she'll try to form a close relationship with your best friend, in order to isolate you. During this time, though, you only have a vague, unsettling feeling that things aren't right. You begin to feel a little uneasy but you don't know why. That's because a malignant narcissist is planning your exit, from a social circle, a church or a workplace. But she won't launch a full-on attack until she's sure the time is right.

When she decides to go full throttle, she has already inflicted a great deal of damage. She's likely told a lot of people a lot of lies, n order to undermine your support base. She'll wait until you've lost support before she strikes. Only then will you see her true colors. This is when she discards you, and she no longer hides her anger and scorn. Of course, no one else will witness her cruelty. Malignant narcissists are extremely concerned with what other people think, so this female terror keeps her mask attached to her face when anyone else is watching.

Pixabay photo top by Nuzree

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Narcissists Target Loyal People

Because malignant narcissists are so good at discovering our strengths and weaknesses, they can sense when someone will stick with them, through thick and thin. This is why they love to target loyal people, because they know they've found someone who will go out of their way for them. This very useful person (narcs view people as objects) will fit their needs perfectly, until they tire of this person, or find someone else willing to do even more for them.

Then, the first loyal friend will be discarded, often in a very callous manner. It's impossible to please a narcissist for very long. Inevitably, you'll fall short of her impossible standards, and she'll become angry with you. However, you may not realize this right away, because she'll hide it for awhile. Meanwhile, you've fallen out of favor, but you're not aware that things have changed so dramatically. She isn't ready to show her true colors because you still serve a purpose.

However, in her mind, when your shelf life has expired, she's ready to discard you. This is usually done with great fanfare. In the process, she will attempt to ruin your other relationships and try to turn people against you. Unless you have very loyal friends, she usually succeeds. Narcissists are very charming, until you get to know them better, and people like to be in their company.

The best way to protect yourselves against malignant narcissists and other dangerous people is to learn the signs of disordered behavior. There are no guarantees you'll never be taken in again, but at least you can proceed more cautiously if you notice any warning signs.

Pixabay photo top by cherylholt

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Be Careful Whom You Help - A Narcissist Will Always Take Advantage of You

Malignant narcissists will gladly accept your help, even as they're plotting to destroy you. In my experience, a morally disordered person will never turn down an offer of assistance, because she's a taker, not a giver. Those of us who've lived through a betrayal by a female friend or coworker can probably look back upon all the times we've extended ourselves to help this person, only to be repaid with evil and deceit.

I'm starting to think some of the more severely disordered narcissists derive pleasure from watching us do something kind for them, or a series of kind acts, before they go for the kill. This is very similar to the thrill they get from being sneaky and deceptive, and getting away with it.

Getting taken advantage of is a terrible experience. However, we still need to help people, because that's what makes us human. Yet we need to do so in a way in which we're not exploited.

This is where limits and boundaries enter into play. Setting better boundaries is something I had to learn how to do, and I'm still working on it.

It's also where discernment comes in. Learning to spot the signs of narcissism, covert and overt, can help us determine just how much help to offer any one person, and how emotionally involved we want to become.

One way to do this is to look for inconsistencies in someone's story. I've yet to meet a malignant narcissist who was not an habitual pathological liar.

Pixabay photo top by babawawa

Monday, October 13, 2014

What is Veiled Hostility?

Some people pretend to be your friend, but, deep down inside, they really can't stand you. Chances are, they are very envious of something you have, and they want it for themselves.

A malignant narcissist will assume whatever you have is hers for the taking, and she'll infiltrate your life in an attempt to take this away from you. Those of us who don't have this personality disorder have a difficult time understanding who someone can expend so much energy scheming and manipulating, just to gain some sort of "advantage." It does seem crazy, but morally disordered people, while not clinically insane, are, nonetheless, very disturbed.

Those of us who've been betrayed by a female narcissist posing as a soul mate are shocked when we realize the depths to which someone has sunk, in an effort to destroy our lives. We didn't see it coming. However, looking back on the events, there are a few clues that something was amiss. This is good to file away, because we can use it the future to protect ourselves against another emotional predator.

One thing to watch for is for veiled hostility. When someone doesn't like us, or is holding a grudge against us, this may become evident in slightly cutting remarks, or even overt insults. True friends do not behave this way, because they want to protect your feelings. They don't want to hurt you. It's the fake friends who like to take these potshots.

Also, be on guard if a particular "friend" is not even tempered. True friends are happy to spend time with you. Fake friends consider it a chore.

Pixabay image top by Steph685

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Malignant Narcissists - They Want to Take Your Place

Ego, ambition and competition characterize much of the interactions we see today. These are the hallmarks of malignant narcissism, which seems to have infected our world.

Our culture and society are so broken that wickedness seems to have gained the upper hand. Yes, there are still a lot of good people in the world, but we appear to be seeing much more evil than before. One symptom of this disorder is the fact that parents used to be able to let young children roam freely. Today, no sane person would send a small child out to play in the morning, and remind them to be home for lunch. Children now need constant supervision.

This downward moral shift that's been happening slowly since the 1960's appears to have gained steam. We are now seeing great disorder everywhere, on a global scale and closer to home, in our personal relationships.

Today, if any one person has any advantage, a malignant narcissist wants to take it away, and she'll do all she can to achieve her goal. It seems as if every workplace or social group has at least one person with a character flaw severe enough that drives her to viciously attack a rival. She does this out of insane envy. This horrifying behavior has even been found in nursing homes. Residents with a place to go for a holiday are sometimes shunned when they return to their facility, by those who spent Thanksgiving or Christmas by themselves.

Much of the time, malignant narcissists attack solely because they want what you have. If it's a position of influence, they want to take your place. If you are well-regarded within a particular social setting, they want to push you aside. If you receive a promotion at work, watch out. The green-eyed monster is out in force.

Pixabay image top by Gellinger

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Malignant Narcissists Use Others for Triangulation

Someone posted something on Pinterest today about malignant narcissists and triangulation. It struck a chord. I thank the person who pinned this particular pin, which explained so well about how these characters operate. Here's an example of typical narcopath behavior.

When a morally disordered female is in the process of discarding someone, which invariably happens, since it's impossible to please a narcissist indefinitely, she'll choose a new "friend." Oftentimes, this new person is a good friend of the woman she's discarding. Then, she'll shun her old friend and lavish her time and attention on the new relationship.

This is classic triangulation, in which a pathological personality tries to sow discord, and works like hell in an effort to get people to turn against her target. So she triangulates here, there and everywhere, always striking wherever she can do the most damage. She especially focuses on your closest friends and associates, in order to best isolate you.

Although it may seem as if she genuinely likes her new circle of "friends," in reality, she's only using them, in order to facilitate her need to triangulate. Practically everything a morally disordered person does is deceitful.

Healthy people build bridges and try to include others. A narcissist does the opposite. She wants to control everything and everyone, This she does by triangulation, which creates drama, dissension and confusion.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

Monday, October 6, 2014

What Makes a Narcissist Happy?

Someone who recently visited this blog entered the search term, "What makes a narcissist happy?" I thought that was an excellent question, so I'll try my best to answer. Please understand that I don't have a degree in psychology, but I've had to learn (by necessity) a fair amount about this disorder. So, with my (unfortunately) extensive experience dealing with female malignant narcissists, here's my best guess.

Deep down, a malignant narcissist is never happy. Not content with themselves, or their own gifts, they are forever comparing themselves to others. This is what gets them in trouble. You will always find someone else who is smarter, prettier, richer and who has more friends than you. This is what drives a malignant personality crazy. Driven by an unhealthy need to always be the best in everything, they will attempt to undermine anyone they perceive has having an advantage over them. This leads to very shallow relationships and a lot of stress, as they are always trying to stay one step ahead of the competition, which, in their minds, is everyone else.

Since living this way is so anxiety provoking, they are miserable. Plus, trying to deceive people all the time takes its toll, although many narcopaths seem to enjoy the thrill of pulling one over on someone. Because a narcissist doesn't have honest relationships with people, she assumes others are always lying to her and always out to get her. (Because this blog is about female narcissists, I'm going to refer to these perpetrators as "she.)

However, even though someone with a character disorder is not really happy, I do believe they get momentary thrills when they are in the limelight. All narcissists crave attention. Even the covert narcissists, whom, at first glance, seem to want to fade into the wallpaper, are attention hounds. They just pretend they don't need as much adulation as the more overt type of narcissist. But this is just part of their facade, and they are just as egotistical as a narcissist with a more grandiose personality.

Another thing that brings a malignant narcissist "happiness," is when they can successfully bring one of their rivals down. Actually, if you become a target of one of these twisted sisters, make sure you understand she means business, and that she's fully intent on destroying as much of your life as she can. So, learn how to spot a potentially dangerous "friend" before you share your secrets.

Pixabay image above by Nemo

Friday, October 3, 2014

Female Bullying is Often Subtle

One of the most maddening things about being attacked by a female malignant narcissist is the emotional abuse can be very subtle, yet extremely damaging.

Make no mistake. A malignant narcissist wants to destroy your life and everything you hold dear, and she'll put an enormous amount of energy into obtaining her desired results. She's able to operate so well because no one around witnesses her slings and arrows, except for you. With her chameleon-like personality, this sinister sister devises new and ingenious ways to isolate and humiliate you.

Relational aggression, or destroying your social standing, is how she hurts you. This is very similar to how bratty little girls operate when they gang up on people. However, as an adult, a female bully, who was probably a childhood queen bee, has had a long time to perfect her bullying techniques. She learns to bully in a way that bystanders often don't realize what's happening. Even the target herself may question if this is for real, until the hate campaign picks up steam and she no longer has a shred of doubt.

Only someone who has experienced such behavior knows what I'm talking about. That's why, if you seek support, you probably won't find any. If you try to describe what's happening, to anyone who hasn't lived through something similar, you'll probably be considered delusional.

Pixabay photo top by gaborfejes

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Malignant Narcissists and Directed Conversation

Malignant narcissists like to employ a particular tactic that some people refer to as "directed conversation." This typically appears after she has discovered your weaknesses, and she has some insight into things that make you cringe inside. Usually, she's the cause of the source of your pain, and she uses directed conversation to rub salt into your wound, or to keep you off balance.

For instance, she'll say something she knows will bother you, just within earshot. In your mind, there's some question as to if you're really supposed to hear this information. (Trust me, it's being said entirely for your benefit.) For instance, if you are the target, and a female bully is on the attack, she'll make sure you know that you've just been excluded from a meeting, or from a fun after-work get together. She'll be talking about this event to someone else, but she'll be speaking just loud enough for you to hear. Think directed conversation if you are the target of a malignant narcissist, and the discourse you can't help but overhear leaves you with an uncomfortable, unsettled feeling.

Since female bullies work primarily through social aggression, in an attempt to isolate their target, much of the directed snippets that come your way will be related to the fact that you are being excluded. Being marginalized and dismissed is a form of bullying, just as hateful as if someone punched you in the stomach, But, because an adult bully cannot do this, and get away with it, she will instead inflict damage on your social standing.

Pixabay image top by OpenClips