Monday, October 6, 2014

What Makes a Narcissist Happy?

Someone who recently visited this blog entered the search term, "What makes a narcissist happy?" I thought that was an excellent question, so I'll try my best to answer. Please understand that I don't have a degree in psychology, but I've had to learn (by necessity) a fair amount about this disorder. So, with my (unfortunately) extensive experience dealing with female malignant narcissists, here's my best guess.

Deep down, a malignant narcissist is never happy. Not content with themselves, or their own gifts, they are forever comparing themselves to others. This is what gets them in trouble. You will always find someone else who is smarter, prettier, richer and who has more friends than you. This is what drives a malignant personality crazy. Driven by an unhealthy need to always be the best in everything, they will attempt to undermine anyone they perceive has having an advantage over them. This leads to very shallow relationships and a lot of stress, as they are always trying to stay one step ahead of the competition, which, in their minds, is everyone else.

Since living this way is so anxiety provoking, they are miserable. Plus, trying to deceive people all the time takes its toll, although many narcopaths seem to enjoy the thrill of pulling one over on someone. Because a narcissist doesn't have honest relationships with people, she assumes others are always lying to her and always out to get her. (Because this blog is about female narcissists, I'm going to refer to these perpetrators as "she.)

However, even though someone with a character disorder is not really happy, I do believe they get momentary thrills when they are in the limelight. All narcissists crave attention. Even the covert narcissists, whom, at first glance, seem to want to fade into the wallpaper, are attention hounds. They just pretend they don't need as much adulation as the more overt type of narcissist. But this is just part of their facade, and they are just as egotistical as a narcissist with a more grandiose personality.

Another thing that brings a malignant narcissist "happiness," is when they can successfully bring one of their rivals down. Actually, if you become a target of one of these twisted sisters, make sure you understand she means business, and that she's fully intent on destroying as much of your life as she can. So, learn how to spot a potentially dangerous "friend" before you share your secrets.

Pixabay image above by Nemo

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