If you want to learn what someone's truly made of, watch what they do, and ignore what they say. Looking at someone's actions gives you a much better read than listening to their words. With nearly every malignant narcissist I've met, there's a serious disconnect between what they profess and what they really intend to do.
Since this blog is about female malignant narcissists, there is one way in which a morally disordered person often gives herself away. Watch for how she treats her loved ones, and disregard how she claims to treat them. For instance, she may talk as if she's mother of the year. (Female narcissists with children will try hard to convince you of that.) However, curiously, they don't like to spend time with their offspring. This day-to-day maintenance work seems to be beneath them. So they're always looking for someone else to do this job. Unfortunately, the children of a narcissistic Mom suffer terribly, because she has, for all intents and purposes, checked out of their lives.
Oftentimes, it's the husbands who do all the heavy lifting when it comes to childcare, while Mom is off doing her own thing. This could be work related or it could involve shopping and going to the gym. It could even mean doing volunteer work, or spending a lot of time at church. What a narcissistic mother is looking for is the constant feeding of her ego, often referred to as "narcissistic supply." She is always on the lookout for new sources of supply, and this is more important to her than taking care of her family.
Let's say the narcissist doesn't have any young children at home. Does she claim to be a nice person? All malignant narcissists are overly concerned with how others view them, so they all pretend to be nice. However, do her actions align with her words? Does she gossip about others? Does she purposely exclude others from various events she's organized? If so, she's not very nice. Nice people don't behave this way. These are also warning signs that you may be dealing with a morally disordered person.