Monday, November 10, 2014

Confusion May Mean You're Dealing with a Narc

Oftentimes, especially in the beginning of a relationship with an emotional vampire, there are no clear warning signs. This is definitely the case with a covert malignant narcissist, a type of person who's very good at masking her disorder. You often find these predators in the helping professions, such as teaching or social work. Unfortunately, coverts are also drawn into marriage and family therapy.

So, if you decide to see a therapist to help you work through some of the problems a narcissist has created in your life, be very careful that you don't place yourself in the clutches of another morally disordered person. Be aware of anything that seems amiss. In a therapist, this would be someone who talks about themselves too much, instead of focusing on what you need. She may also be a very fashionable dresser, or she may be a little too interested in how you plan to pay for your sessions.

After my own experience with a covert narcissist, I opted against therapy. (Please understand that I am not a trained mental health professional, and I write only from the perspective of someone who's experienced betrayal and deceit.) However, I did gain insight into this disorder from a relative who is a trained therapist. I also did a lot of reading, and, as a practicing Catholic, I believe the Holy Spirit led me to the right online resources, which I desperately needed, in order to shed some light on this encounter.

So, if you think you need professional help, don't necessary listen to me. Be sure to get help if you find that you can't function or are severely depressed. Just make an all-out effort to find a good therapist, and feel free to change therapists if you think it's a bad match.

Anyway, let me get back to my original point of spotting a covert narcissist, who works hard to cover her tracks. Perhaps the only sign you'll see is confusion, which appears whenever you're dealing with this person. Don't ignore this waving red flag, especially if you notice it in a new acquaintance. Narcissists specialize in creating confusion. Normal, healthy people do not.
Pixabay image top by Nemo


  1. Interesting. As I said I suspect my mother to suffer from covert narcissism (perhaps she's an inverted one?) and she worked with social work, and is a trained psycho therapist. She refused my whole childhood to ever tell me what she was doing at work, but these last years she's said some. I do however remember in my teens that she talked about a boy killing himself, but not like she was grieving, but like it was a relief to her as he had almost died in an accident, but been miraculously brought back to life, after which he suffered from depression as he wanted to "go back home". It was the best thing ever, what had happen to him when he was "dead". So eventually he did kill himself. She was one of those people supposed to make him NOT kill himself, and when he did, she talked like it was not possible to change his mind, as the pull from the other side was too strong. She talked about it like a GOOD thing, and she had HOPE in her voice. Like his experienced proved to her that when SHE dies she will also come to this wonderful place he talked about. I could never stop thinking about how she talked about this incident, how void of sorrow she was. She ought to have felt like she LET HIM DOWN, but she never ever talked that way about it. It was never about her failing him, but him finally getting back to eternity, proving an afterlife to HER...

  2. What a horrible tragedy. Your family does sound as if all the members are not trying to help one another, and pulling for one another. A psychologist would probably think it was very dysfunctional. I've met more than a few suspected covert narcissists whom are therapists, just in my day-to-day activities.

    1. Yes, it seems like they are attracted to the power it gets to be able to influence very vulnerable people through their professions. Both I and my oldest brother was VERY depressed in our teenage, and one friend of his commited suicide, but we were not allowed to see a therapist, and now I think it's cause she didn't want to be revealed as the toxic and evil person she was!

  3. You definitely had a very difficult life with your family of origin. I wish you great peace from here on in.