Saturday, November 29, 2014

Never Write a Letter to a Female Narcissist

I might have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. If you've discovered that one of your female "friends" likely has a character defect, and you want to speak with her, make sure you do this in person, and not by letter or by email. The latter is an especially poor way to communicate with a narcopath, because it's very likely she'll use these emails to hurt you.

For instance, she may keep asking for clarification about what you meant, in your original email. Each question is designed to put you on edge. When confronted about anything, a narcissist will deny responsibility and turn the blame on you. So you fire back repeated emails, attempting to explain yourself. These repeated emails might, eventually, become emotional, as you attempt to defend yourself from her repeated accusations. If someone else read these, they could conclude that you, and not the narcissist, are the source of the problems.

Unfortunately, you'll be playing right into her web of deceit. If you send such correspondence to a morally disordered person, you can rest assured she'll share it with as many people as possible, in order to convince them that you have "a lot of anger" or are "unstable." Of course, she'll never show them the emails from her that precipitated this exchange.

Actually, it's wrong to share a private email with anyone else. If someone tries to share another's personal email with you, I'd call their motives into question. I'd also refuse to read it.

A malignant narcissist has zero integrity. Never underestimate her capacity for deception, and her ability to plot and plan to achieve her goal of destroying someone else.

Pixabay photo top by PublicDomainPictures


  1. These malignant women are experts using any mail conversation to hurt you! I've seen men doing the same thing. This is what I've noticed:

    1) Something in what you have done or said triggers them off. It might be pure envy, you doing something really good, or they didn't like some critique you offered to them.

    2) You write them totally one-to-one, but they'll do like you say, send on your mail to LOADS of others, or atleast one other. It depends on the situation. But they will NOT ask for your permission doing so.

    3) Oftentimes they'll add their own interpretation and explaination to what you write, while deleting (if necesarry for their cause) anything they have written before you. They might also delete sweet nothings at the end of your mail, to fit their story that you are "angry" and "upset".

    4) Their explaination will be very far from the truth but might also only have a slight twist that makes it sick. It will make whatever you wrote seem odd and insane, as the explaination is not accurate at all.

    5) There will be please for sympathy in there, making them out as the victims, and also alot of times hints that you have been behaving this way a very long time, even if this is one off mail.

    The thing is that you might not even know this person and you are having a fall out, as it's the other one who has some grudge with you. But most of the times you feel something is not right and tries to plead for sympathy and understanding, if you've been attacked by the other.

    Whatever you write, it does not matter, as their interpretation will rip anything apart. Whatever "nice" you said, will be ignorer or turned to patronizing. Whatever you write in selfdefense will be turned to an attack. And so on...

    I so totally agree with this - it's like always with these people. You must learn how to spot them, as they just don't operate like we do, we're fooled otherwise!

    For instance, I noticed a few years back that my sis suddenly turned a VERY private conversation over mail into a multiple one, by including our narc brother. It felt very uncomfortable and hurt me alot, as I had shared some very private things about my childhood.

    What she had shared was all lies, but at the time I believed her. But it was just lies, and now I know it. She knew I would catch onto what she confessed and write something honest back.

    And then she sent it all to our brother too, who ridiculled us. My sister acted like she regretted doing that, sending on to him, but I now think it was deliberate to make me look bad.

    It wasn't anything much at the time, but the memory of the betrayal that she could do such a thing - sharing my private mail with THAT brother - was unsettling.

    Today I just feel I was so stupid and trusting then. I was so loyal to her, and I forgave her anything, but at that time I had started to questioning her. Something was very very wrong. Now I know what - she did not NEED me anymore! My baby had grown up and out on my "ass" I was...

  2. It sounds as if you know these types very well. Email, unfortunately, is like they hit the jackpot. It's like feeding them something they can use against you, which they will.

  3. I forget to mention that you're right. It's easy envy or some little thing you may have done to set them off.