Monday, December 22, 2014

A Narcissist Will Not Discuss the Abuse

Forget about discussing the abuse with a narcissist. This will never happen. That's because people with personality disorders don't like to be held accountable for their actions. They will invalidate your feelings, deny what happened or try to turn the tables. Incredibly, they may even accuse you of hurting them. You may see a combination of all these reactions, as well as what psychologists refer to as "narcissistic rage." This is an adult temper tantrum, similar to what you'd see in a two-year-old who can't get her way.

If the narcissist is a female friend, trying to get her to take responsibility probably marks the end of your relationship. (Try not to mourn this fake friendship for too long. Your life will be much more peaceful without her.) By the time you've noticed the "friendship" is one sided, it's already entered the devaluing phase. At first, narcissists idealize people they've just met. However, inevitably, you do something to "disappoint" them. That's when they remove you from your pedestal and replace you with someone else.

Once they begin to devalue you, that's when you notice more moodiness, coupled with critical remarks. This is also when the narcopath takes the opportunity to conduct a smear campaign. Female narcissists accomplish their mission of destruction by getting others to turn against you, after they've heard outrageous lies about your character.

By all means, feel free to confront the narc. Just don't do so in public, as she will be pushing your buttons to provoke an emotional reaction. Don't send her an email, or write her a letter, as she'll share it with others. Be sparing with your words, as you don't want to feed her any more personal information, which she'll use to harm you. Above all, don't expect an apology, or any real change on her part.

Pixabay image top by Nemo

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