Saturday, December 6, 2014

Attracting Better Friends

It's true that as you become stronger, you begin to find emotionally healthier companions. Dr. Lynne Namka, Ed.D., who writes excellent material on malignant narcissism, explains this in one of the articles on her site.

Get Your Nardar On! she tells us, teaching us how to avoid people who will take advantage of us. On her site, there is also a message, "Unselfish People of the World Unite Against Unbridled Narcissism."

Dr. Namka also gives us information on how to stop being a codependent. Although I don't really like this term, I do understand what she means. If we learn to spot selfish, egotistical, manipulative and deceitful people, we can protect ourselves from getting involved with them. (If you're reading this blog, I'm going to presume you've probably suffered at the hands of an emotional predator.)

This is why she tells us to turn up our "Nardar." I think it's a rather cute term, and it appears that Dr. Namka is the one to have coined it.

By necessity, I have had to really fine tune my "Nardar," Right now, I think it's working pretty well. In recent years, I've met some selfish and manipulative people. Very quickly I've realized that something is amiss. The thing I've also noticed is that, although they may show an initial interest in me, very quickly they decide to move on. Ironically, it's almost as if they know I'm clued in. Or, maybe they do know. People who reside on the anti-social personality disorder spectrum are very good at reading people. It appears as if I'm now sending out signals that say, "Don't even try."

Of course, I still attract narcissists. But this could be because I spend a lot of time at church. (Highly manipulative people love churches and volunteer groups.) However, because my "nardar" is always on now, these people simply become acquaintances, instead of "friends."

The good news is that as you recover from narcissistic abuse, you realize you have no room for users and fakers.

Pixabay image top by Erika Wittlieb


  1. I wouldn't even let them become acquaintance as I ignore them completely when I encounter them in churches and voluntary groups once it has become apparent to me that they are narcissists. I act as if they don't exist.

  2. I would love to know your thoughts on why narcs love churchs. I am a devout Christian, I love Jesus Christ, and have studied my Bible with a vengeance for over a decade. But I won't go to church for several factors.

  3. Hi Amber, I'm Catholic, so skipping church is not an option for me. I've changed where I worship. But I still go to church. Church is perfect for a narcissist because it provides a cover, a supply, targets and the ability to get involved and run things. They love to run things. But I definitely still go to church, despite the fact I've seen some pretty weird stuff.