Thursday, December 11, 2014

Why a Narcissist Wants to Maintain the Relationship

Malicious people seem to know when you've had enough of their act. This is when they'll suddenly revert to their best behavior, in order to draw you back in to their toxic world. They do this to keep you in the relationship.

Why does a narcissist want to maintain a "friendship" with you, when she doesn't care about you? Perhaps she even hates you, an emotion driven by her insane envy. You catch glimpses of her true feelings when she makes a critical remark, which seems to come out of nowhere. Or, she may lash out at you for no apparent reason. She may also become "moody" during the times she can't keep her disdain for you under wraps.

So, why does she want to be your "friend?"

At this point, you still serve a purpose. Malignant narcissists, also known as high-functioning sociopaths, view other people as objects. They don't care about your feelings, and, if they hurt you, they have no regrets. However, as long as you have a use, they'll keep you around.

Maybe you are acquainted with people she wants to get to know herself. In that case, a female narcissist will keep you in the picture, just long enough until it's socially acceptable to contact these people on her own. Once she's able to do that, she'll quickly dump you. These secondary relationships are why she became your "friend," in the first place.

Many malignant narcissists don't like caring for their children. So they need someone else to step in. Oftentimes, it's one of their "friends." They "nurture" this "friendship" as long as it's convenient. As soon as it's not, they move on.

This is how narcissists operate. However, even if you are all used up, they still may not let you say "goodbye." That's because they want to be the ones to end things. This is called "discarding." Most narcissists are not content to simply walk away. They prefer to dump people in a cruel and calculating manner.

That's why, if you decide to leave before this plays out, a fake friend will try to hold on to the "friendship." But only long enough until she's able to end it her way.

Pixabay image top by viro

1 comment:

  1. I had a close friend once who was a Street Angel - House Devil type. I was expected to do all the running and make contact and when I questioned that her other friends who had children did all the running to as she didn't want to disturb them in case they were busy with children. Flimsy excuses. Then I would get fed up with her temper and cease contact and later on bump into her somewhere when she would be super friendly. I would assume she had changed but behind closed doors she had changed. If we went out of town together she was always late as she couldn't get up in the morning and it was important to set out early as at the time there was an Indian summer with weather as sunny and hot as during a heatwave as in summer midday and in the afternoon. On one occasion a male friend of hers was driving and she was a back seat driver even shouting at him if he didn't do as she told him. I started to feel travel sick and wanted to get out of the car when we arrived at our destination but she told him not to let me out of the car and then made him spend more time on parking the car right. The same on the way home when I was about to be sick close to my home and demanded to be let out of the car. She said we couldn't stop but since we were in a traffic jam I jumped out of the car anyway and threw up in an ally a few yards away.

    Years later I heard from a neighbour that she had become impossible to live near and that the elderly women living in the flats below her had moved away because of her. She has fixed up her tiny flat to have speakers connected to her hi-fi system in the kitchen as well the living room so when she puts on the radio it's very loud and the downstairs tenants can hear it as well. She even considered the corridor and stairs outside of her flat as her territory too and decorated the walls there in her usual garish colours and kept a few of her possessions there.